quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
