margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
