dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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