I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
