I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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