He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
