Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
