Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
