I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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