??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
my liver is dry heaving
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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