SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
