I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
