ya dads aren't the best wingmen
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
