Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
