I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
