you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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