I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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