Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
