I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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