you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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