so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
