How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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