Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
