it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
