If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
