Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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