i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
