why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
you never un-have a 4some
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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