I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
people are starting to question the shark bite story
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
