You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
