The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
