I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
