I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
