If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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