bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Even my vagina gasped.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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