i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
