i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
