He disabled his match.com account in front of me
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
