she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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