Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I am one with the molecules
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
