I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
