so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
