Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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