Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
