I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
she told me i tasted like america
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
