well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
