I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
try to milk me bitch
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
