the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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