I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
