This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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